People Stuffz

Okay, so when I’m at school, in the break time or when the teacher step out for a moment or walking to classes or in any free time I might have, I’m reading. That’s because I can’t find any genuinely captivating apps like games, I can’t draw because there’s so little time and space at school, I can’t listen to music because every earbuds I’ve ever owned broke, and I’m not going to talk to anyone. Psssshh, talking? Who does that these days? -Nervous laughter-

So I read fanfics on my phone.

I perfected the art of reading while walking at the age of 8 or so, and could even then safely cross the street while reading, so no problem there. The real problem is when a friendly classmates asks what I’m reading.

“Uhh, It’s sort of, um, a story about Harry Potter..” “Oh, cool, which book?” “No, I mean, uh, a story about Harry Potter, like you have a story, and then you have a story about that story, and that’s what I’m reading.” Cue confused classmate.

I’ve tried just saying  ‘Fanfiction’ in the past, which all people respond to with ‘huh?’.

I am absolutely the worst at conversation. I’m an introvert and have Asperger’s Syndrome, which, in crude language, is basically being socially retarded. Sometimes it’s not that I can’t empathize with people, it’s just that I can’t get it into words. Other times I completely miss a point or say the entirely the wrong thing because I don’t understand the problem. I also avoid looking people, especially people I don’t know well, in the eyes, because it makes me uncomfortable. This is apparently not very polite in my culture, it’s an unspoken rule, but it just doesn’t feel right.

This social awkwardness in real life makes my internet persona have more bravado to make up for it, and I’ve recently joined a skype chat with people I’ve never met, and never will meet, and nobody asks for or shares personal information like addresses or identities and it’s wonderful because it’s a small group that I just fit in. I’ve become more confident, came out of my shell so to speak, in that group. I’ve formed some kind of bonds, gotten to the point of feeling comfertable enough to actually friendly tease a member, and I would even go so far as to call them friends. Then again, I’ve heard an aspie(a person with Asperger’s) is usually way too trusting which gets them bullied, but I don’t feel like these guys would ever be mean ever, and I feel like they genuinely like me. Or, well, my internet persona.

Wow this went off topic as heck.




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