Random rambling

Speaking is hard. Sometimes when I’m in a group conversation or just any conversation I want to say something, but can’t think of the right words to say it. By the time I do the other has already moved on. But when I call attention to me and then think of the right things to say, the other stares at me like ‘what?’ and that doesn’t help with concentrating. So after a few moments the other just goes on.
Recently I’ve just said what I wanted to say without trying to find the right words for the other to understand, because then they stop and think about what the hell I meant and I find the right words and say it again. The problem with that is that the other looks at me with a ‘well why didn’t you say that immediately?’ look. There’s just no figuring this out.

School, yay. Today my art teacher got really mad at someone who said ‘the f word’ and send them out. Which is crazy really because even some teachers use ‘fuck’, ‘hell’, ect. and we’re thirteen and fourteen year olds. You can’t expect us not to curse. And she was yelling at someone who said ‘well Miss everyone uses it’ that you can’t use it in her classroom- which is perfectly reasonable- and then she pointed at people who were normally well-behaved and said ‘Do you see her using the f- word? Or her?’ and coincidentally I was one of those people. It was a bit awkward because while I was pretty calm and quiet in her lessons, I’m also the type of person who curses under hr breath a lot if something goes wrong. In my mind I was just thinking ‘Oh hell no, please don’t drag me into this’. In the end it wasn’t anything big.

Ok I’m disturbed. I’m playing Cookie Clicker, it’s Valentine’s Day season, and instead of golden cookies there are hearts with sweet valentine messages on them. Just now I got one that just said ‘help’. O.O


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